Tuesday, 7 April 2015

Updates, updates. and also, thinking about being a mum.

Today I broke a few of my own rules and took myself on a date for brekky and buying some clothes for winter. I now have a few dress, a long sleeve red t-shirt and an oversized cardigan thingy. I also started reading a new BSC book which I have been trying to track down for ages. Yay, go me.

I have to say the last few weeks I have been a slight hermit. I haven't been out a lot, other than work and Guides, and I haven't wanted to go out. I've bailed on a few social opportunities which I would usually be like 'yes please' to. I feel almost frustrated at the idea that staying home is boring and anti-social, but when you're trying to save money and you have a perfectly well stocked kitchen, why go out for meals if you don't have to? Last year I was very much the opposite, so it's kind of nice for me to just have some time to make things and do a whole heap of resting (and some nesting!).

Being 'the pregnant' (as Stephen calls it) as turned me into a huffy puffy person and disappointingly other than having abnormally size bazookas, I look just like I always do with a bit more of a round tummy. Other than someone weirdly giving my belly a pat a few months ago when I didn't even look pregnant, I have only had one person ask if I was pregnant and it was a girl who is at OSHC every day. A lot of my friends aren't parents but have given me a lot of advice about what happens with their nephews/nieces which is confusing to say the least.

On Friday I was having terrible stomach pain so I went to visit my good friends at Flinders who decided I might have something wrong with my gall bladder. Oh, yay. I am also highly relieved there is nothing wrong with the bubba (or Pumpernickel) and I got to see him/her on the ultrasound screen for a very short time. This was super exciting! Our anomaly screening is at the end of April and we plan to find out if we are having a boy or girl, but also don't plan on telling anyone, because, more fun. I enjoyed walking around shopping today but finally had a good reason to use the 'boyfriend seat' outside shops, because I may have over exerted myself just a little. Shopping does that to people.

Work is good and I've got a few days working as the coordinator which will be fun, but also challenging. Most days our service has between 40-60 kids which seems crazy until you consider that's 2 or 3 classes put together, then it doesn't seem so bad. I don't know when I will finish up and I find most tasks reasonably easy. I love cooking and catering for them every day, but I am really struggling with picking up stuff from the floor and not having enough time just to sit down. The kids are mostly great, and the ones that aren't can be excused because they rarely come to OSHC and don't know the rules (or the rules changed since last year).

Guiding is a little hectic for me. I had am amazing time at camp qualification weekend, but I am helping with two Units, and that can be hard. I like the girls at both and the activities we do are great but I am also struggling with work then Guides until late enough at night. Some weeks I also have Olave stuff so that's three nights out in a row for me. That's not so bad now that Stephen has futsal and football again, but I get tired, hungry and sometimes a bit sick. The main Unit I am working with has two other pregnant leaders there (they are due a few months before me), and I think we will probably just have our own Mothers Club there on Thursday nights.

Being a future mum is a bit scary for me. Lots of reasons.
I have said this before, I am not at all a clucky person. I am mostly scared of other people's babies. This isn't even me over-exaggerating. I don't know what do do with crying babies (and they always seem to cry when I am handed them to cuddle or whatever I'm supposed to do). But I like children in general. When Trent was a bubba he was ultra cute and the only annoying things we had to help with were putting on his socks which he would continuously kick off or entertain him on road trips. The thing was, Trent didn't stay little for long. Soon enough he was in messing up my stuff and being a painful toddler child. But he was so gosh darn cute that you couldn't be mad at him. (PS- I'm sorry if you ever read this Trent.)

I am worried, and I know, I will get plenty of things wrong. I have got enough wrong in this pregnancy, like only eating things I like, though fortunately I like broccoli and I have also grown out of my packet pasta phase. Other than eating dumb things, I have seem super careful top the point that my poor head desperately needs to be recoloured and the only solution we can come up with is to have it cut short. Despite assurances that I can have red wine, I still haven't had any (never really liked it in the first place) and I don't want to leave the country.... just in case.

I kind of get things a bit better now. I wouldn't say I have lots of dreams for Pumpernickel, other that he or she is happy and has am amazing life. I hope that I have a Guide or Scout and that they don't have my poor dodgy eyes so they can do things like catch balls and estimate distance. And I hope that they make their own choices, so they if they want to be a Scour or not, or play piano or not, or be on the stage or not... that they are always free to choose 'not'. I also kind of get why my family was so stressed about my trip away last year by myself. Would I want future Pumpernickel to do all the things I have done and made the same mistakes, or at least have choices made for them that they have to react to? Of course not. But, also, Pumpernickel hasn't even been born yet so who wouldn't be ultra protective of such a child? 

All this time, and by that I mean 18 weeks (well, 13 if you include the time I didn't know about Pumpernickel) I have thought about awesome things my Mum did for us when we were little, things like taking us to the playground with breakfast from the bakery, making teepees and cubby houses for us, Friday video nights (mmm, better not call it that anymore), making things for us including plenty of costumes and doing canteen duties. Mum also did family day care and she was always taking the kids (and Matt and I) on excursions places like to Tower Hill or looking at rock pools or... well, wherever really!

Sometimes Stephen and I talk about our childhoods, and his was very different to mine, which makes perfect sense seeing as I was a country kid and all. Matt and I had a lot of freedom, we would walk to the Milk Bar, or go and see our neighbours and often my friends and I would go to the little park near us for a play or walk up to the shops. Dad also made us this incredible billy cart which we would take to the top of our hilly street and race down to the bottom of the hill.  Stephen took music lessons and played non contact sport, but I did Speech and Drama lessons and tried a whole heap of primary school sport (none of which I was good at, even though I did like hockey) but I also roller skated every weekend for about four years. I miss skating. I have a feeling our child's life will be very different to the ones that we led and that's not such a bad thing.

I've rambled enough and I need to go to work. Thanks anyway Blogger. You are a real friend. Now I have said all of this stuff, hopefully it can unclog my poor brain a little bit more.