Sunday, 24 August 2014

The old blockeroo (or - it's not me, it's you.)

Today I had a very one sided break up.

We had been down this path before.

It's a path I had chosen to forget, one in which my parents had words with a principal who then sat down with myself and the girl in question and stated firmly (but kindly) that we couldn't be friends anymore. In short, she had isolated me from other people without even intending to. Eventually we became friends again, but by then she had her own people to be with and so did I so it didn't seem to matter so much.

We had been friends since we were thirteen. We don't have a lot in common, other than we were both misfits, we both shared the same friends (eventually), we liked each other's company enough to hang out until I moved away for uni. We have seen each other a few times, we have been Facebook friends on and off, but I wouldn't say we are truly friends in the same way that I am friends with other people from school. We don't do in jokes, we don't do memory rehashes.

I am going to try not to justify this, but honesty, it's really hard not to do so.

It's easy to do the old blockeroo on someone who has hurt you or needs space for their own wellbeing. My block list is incredibly short and only features people who has weirdly stalked me (and made up fake accounts after the fact) or lashed out one two many times at my rather well rounded views that I'm not entitled to have (oh, I can't support gay marriage because I'm not gay, but you are? PLEASE. We're fighting the same cause here).

In this case though, it's not me, it's you.

This has been a long running joke, and I have often said it in reverse, and not always meant it. I'm not easy to drive insane, but the problem, as I see it comes like this:

Person A wants something.
Lisa doesn't want the same thing.

Person A wants things Lisa doesn't, isn't interested in or wants to over share about their life.
Lisa doesn't want a part in this.

and, the boiling point:
Person A starts making weird value statements about Lisa's life, which she (Person A) is not actively part of).
Lisa gets beyond pissed.

The two points before boiling point are reasonably easy to deal with. Because compromise is a good thing. Scratch my back and I'll do likewise. That's what friendship is really. Lots of give and take.

The second point makes this messy. I don't mind oversharing, but my Facebook wall or status updates or inbox is not the place to do so.

The boiling point: I hate unsolicited advice. I wrote blogs and updates and all sorts about how this bothers me.

There is a difference though, and here is it is: if you are part of someone's life, like actively part of it and not someone you see three times a year, then you get to help out.
(which she isn't.)

Or, if you have known that person since forever but actually stayed in touch with them and cared about them.
(which she isn't.)

Or if you are actually a nice, mostly sane and mentally healthy person who isn't trying to force weird crap on you like drinking smoothies and bizarre methods of prayer and trippy ways to trip out your brain to make it undepressed.
(again, which she isn't.)

Sometimes in life there isn't anything wrong with someone saying to you 'You know, you actually have an issue here.' But to randomly make up crap, that's really not okay.

So, today, it isn't me, it's you.

And I'm really sorry, because I actually care about you enough to feel bad about the whole blocking thing.

But, well, not sorry because this was actually really impacting on how I felt about my own personal space, and sure, it's virtual space, but Facebook is still space in which I need some breathing room, away from you.

PS- if this sounds like a girl crush thing, it really isn't meant to.