Monday, 28 July 2014

Things I have done to annoy the locals.

Hello. My name is Lisa and I live in Kadina.

I'm not a local. When my family moved to Mount Gambier, they were told that it takes 20 years to become a local. In November this year they will make their 20th local celebration. Go Mum and Dad! All the same, I'm quite happy to actually be from my beautiful little Warrnambool, and consider Radelaide my hometown.

I apologise in advance to my friends who live locally and will read this and will think I'm being bitchy. Here goes some ways I have annoyed the locals.

1. Upholding basic traffic rules.
Kadina has several one way streets, lots of give way signs, lots of stop signs, roundabouts with five exits, no traffic lights and narrow lanes. Usually I try to turn right and someone who is going straight ahead at the cross road decided to wait for me. It's not my turn. You go first. That's how it works.

2. Not understanding 'where to'.
The first time this happened I was at work and was telling someone I was married over summer. "Oh, where to?" I thought she meant who to, and when I told the story of Stephen working at Bute, etc etc I got another "where to?"

Where to = whereabouts and it is not just about places, a girl was bitten by an insect on her face and her mum was fussing and asking where to this bite was.

I never know what to do when someone else is where to-ed and usually let them work out what it means.

3. Asking where 'up the river' is.
For the last few years I have heard of lots of people here going up the river. For a long time I thought I'd messed up my geography and their was a river close by. No, they actually mean the River Murray. Which is fine, except it is nowhere near here. It doesn't matter, there's a river to go up, and gosh darn it, they will.

4. Telling people I don't go to West Beach.
West Beach is the new Gold Coast, except it isn't.

5. Not playing netball.
No, I don't play netball.
Because I'm not good at it.
Hahahaha I'm not good either, we just have fun.
Oh, I'm sorry, what I meant was I haven't played since I was ten, can't estimate distance, can't catch and also hate short skirts without leggings.
Uhhhh... Well, do you play anything else?
Roller derby.
They do that here?
Is that like what they used to have on the television in the seventies.
No, it's more like the Whip It movie.
What Whip It movie?

In reality I would love nothing more than to play netball. But I can't and I won't.

6. Mystery shopping.
I mystery shop the same three places. I thought they were catching on until the one I completed yesterday saw the retail assistant fail epically. I'm sorry.

7. Refusing to call this place the Copper Coast.
Kadina, Wallaroo and Moonta are part of the Copper Coast. They are also on the Yorke Peninsula. Copper Coast sounds pompous to me and I never use it. I'd never heard of it before Stephen moved here and have never heard it referred to by anyone who is not local.

But, having said all these nasty things, Kadina isn't a bad place. It just feels very far away from home sometimes, and also very different to what I'm used to. I'm just a girl from Warrnambool, how did I get here?

Don't answer that, I already know the answer.